Facebook Ban - Facebook Etiquette

Facebook etiquette. It exists whether you would like to believe that or not. I use the term "etiquette" loosely in this post, it's really to encompass all the little idiosyncrasies (or idiosynCRAZIES) that Facebook has brought about. I have tried to put these in a logical order for you, but there is nothing logical about this behaviour:

The Random Friend Request:

Dudes tend to be guilty of this one a lot. See a pretty girl who's a friend of a friend of someone's cousin on your list? ADD HER! If you're lucky, you might start an online dialogue with this stranger. It gets confusing when one receives a random friend request from a straight member of the same-sex. This usually occurs when one has strict privacy settings, and the random requester just wants to creep on their photos.

I was a creeper of stranger's photos, but I drew the line at the random friend request, and I never accepted them. My facebook had the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon rule. If I don't know you, or know someone who knows you, there is no way you're getting access. It also depended on how close I was with said mutual friend. As we do live in Winnipeg, everyone tends to know someone who knows someone. A word of advice: if you want to get to know a stranger on Facebook, send them a message first. Start the dialogue before the creepy random friend request. This advice leads us to our next Facebook phenomenon:

Adding People and Never Speaking to Them:

I never understood why people do this. After much thought I believe that the reason someone adds you and does not send you at least one form of Facebook correspondence, is that they want to creep your photos. So far there seems to be a common thread between these weird behaviours. This one really irritates me, especially when it is someone that you do not see on a regular basis in real life. Send a wall post! It will not kill you! Write something trivial and generic! It will boost your Facebook-Friend Stock exponentially, and prevent the following behaviour to happen:

The Friend Deletion:

If you have made it past the first behaviour and get accepted as a Facebook friend, but then commit the second crime you may be deleted (you will be if you're on my friend list). The oddest part about deleting someone from Facebook is how upset people get. It cuts deep for a lot of Facebook addicts. How could you delete me! I added you and never interacted with you on it, but think you look great in your Mexico vacation photos! I go through friend purges quite regularly. If I have to take a second to recognize your name, you're gone.

Jimmy Kimmel, a man after my own heart, has declared that November 17 will hence forth be known as National Unfriend Day. This is a day dedicated to trimming the friend fat, and keeping true friendship sacred. Amen to that! So if you find that you have been the victim of a deletion, don't get upset or take it personally. You probably were not very close to that person anyways; that, or your status updates were awful and annoying.

Ignoring Facebook Friends in Real Life:

This is quite a prevalent Facebook phenomenon in Winnipeg. As a server, this happens to me quite a lot. Someone I recognize from Facebook comes into the restaurant, and we pretend we do not know each other. I have yet to discover a non-awkward way to bridge this gap. You know everything about each other from creeping their profiles and interactions with your friends, yet have never been introduced in real life. To say: "Hey, I know you from Facebook" seems a little pathetic, even if it is true.

I was at a wedding this summer and a friend's boyfriend, whom I know quite a bit about from stalking her profile and from her, jumped the gap like it was nothing. We had never met before this, but before an official introduction had been made, he busted out a casual "Hey Lauren". I was strangely shocked. Obviously he would have heard of me from his girlfriend, but his ease at bridging the digital-analog gap was unsettling at first. Kudos to his courage though, most of us are too socially awkward to do that.

The Facebook "Happy Birthday":

This behaviour is slightly unrelated to the rest, but may be the one that will drive me to insanity. The Facebook "Happy Birthday". On Facebook you have the option of listing your birth date. When this date approaches, Facebook kindly lets everyone on your friend list know. One person posts "happy birthday" and then, like a disease, it spreads. There is an onslaught of wall posts ranging from "Happy birthday!" to "HBD!" (which is merely someone trying to creatively say exactly what all the 100 other posts said). You get "Happy Birthdays" from friends, friends of friends, people you haven't seen in 15 years, your boss, people you hate but just have on your friend list so you can stare at them and hate them... Everyone.

A step up from the wall post "HBD" would be the private message. It has a nice touch, and feels a little more personal. A step up from that would be the text message, and then from there the phone call. The phone call is the rarest of them all. The wall post Happy Birthday is the lowest, most impersonal way someone can wish you happiness on your birthday. I would rather not have the pollution on my wall that one day out of a year.

All of these behaviours are quite common in day to day Facebook usage. They are ridiculous and a little crazy. I personally am trying to stop myself from doing these things, and I hope you will work on it too.

Withdrawal Symptoms: Week 1

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I have been Facebook free for 34 1/2 hours. Can you believe it? I would hesitate to say that this is the longest I've spent "off the grid"; however, all the other times I've been in another country, and have still managed to check it on a hotel computer with a backwards keyboard.

Immediately after the "great log-off of 2010" as it will henceforth be known, the withdrawal symptoms kicked in. My palms began to tingle, my fingers tensed, and my mind raced with all the poignant and witty status updates or wall posts I could be making. My fingers, on autopilot, would open my phone and search for the app where the app used to be. They would open my browser and search for where the bookmark used to be. Having prepared for this autopilot effect, I deleted these shortcuts to my fix, as well as blocked the email notifications. The nighttime has proven to be the hardest, as it is the time when loneliness rears its head and distraction is most invited. I will persevere.

On this first night I had a stress dream. During this dream I came to school the next day, opened my laptop for class, and SOMEHOW Facebook had attached itself to my desktop! I couldn't get rid of it or resist its siren call. The little red notification blared at me, indicating several possible comments from friends on various aspects of my profile. The curiosity ate at me, I had to look! I clicked the link, and all was lost. Failure in the first 24 hours. I woke the next morning, tired from a restless sleep, and piecing together my reality. Was it real? Had Facebook defeated me in my dreams as Freddy Krueger had brutally murdered a young Johnny Depp? No, I was safe. For now...

The morning after, the first of many (31 to be exact), I did what the majority of addicts do: I compensated, and I replaced. I tweeted. Like a heroine addict using methadone to wean herself clean, I tweeted. I tweeted, and refreshed Twitter, and tweeted again. The problem with Twitter, is that it is not as popular with the "mean girls from high school who have gained substantial weight since" segment of the population or the "ex-boyfriends" segment. Well, at least not with mine. It's a healthier, less addictive alternative, and far less exciting, but it got me through the first 24 hours.

Today is day two and I feel better. I have received several "good luck!"'s and "I couldn't do it!"'s from peers. Comforting, but a little sad when you think of what it really means. This is no joke; our generation is becoming slave to the mighty Facebook. I hope by stepping back, I can help others to as well.

Let the game begin...

Facebook Ban - The Beginning of the End

Facebook. The social networking site we've all come to know and love. The place where one can view friends' photos, comment on their walls, and brag about their vacations all from the safety of their own home. The average U.S. user spends 7 hours a month on Facebook, which is more than 14 minutes a day. I still think this statistic is a little low.

Personally, I spend more than a few hours on Facebook a day. This is due to the fact that I am taking a laptop heavy course, and have the attention span of a goldfish. However, I have barely a shred of an excuse for my use of it after school hours. I talk to long-distance friends on the chat, and I internet stalk people: ex-boyfriends, their girlfriends, people I hate from high school, and babes. I know I'm not the only one who does this.

My undergraduate thesis for my honors degree in Psychology was on modern addictions, one of which was "internet addiction." It's funny to know so much about it, yet still have fallen victim. Facebook is a drug, and I am an addict. The first step is acknowledging that you have a problem.

Now that I have done that, here is the challenge: I have challenged myself to stay logged off of Facebook for 4 weeks. During these 4 weeks I will post once a week (at least) on my withdrawal symptoms, as well as how various aspects of Facebook have changed our interactions with people and our lives. These will include:

- Facebook etiquette

- The weight attributed to "relationship status changes"

- "Facebook Stalker Syndrome"

- The Boss - to add or not to add?

The Facebook ban begins November 15, 2010 and is lifted December 16 2010. The fact that I didn't think I could do this challenge is the main impetus behind this. The possibility of failure is unfortunately a reality, and it will be a sad (re: pathetic) day if I do. Zuckerberg will have claimed my soul. However, failure or not, my goal for this challenge is to relearn how to connect with people on an organic level, without the screen. Wish me luck?