The End - Final Withdrawal Symptoms

I am aware at how depressing it is that I still am having "symptoms" in my final week of the ban (which is lifted tomorrow at midnight). I have had the same symptoms for the past 2 weeks, but was hoping they would subside without me having to actually admit to them online.

As you'll remember in the beginning, my symptoms were mostly of a physical nature. The autopilot kicking in to check my page for notifications, my fingers itching to update it...

Now I suffer from a more psychological problem. When the ban started, I did not delete my profile, I merely stopped logging in. Although my profile is only available for friends to see, it was still left open for them to run rampant on it. The fact that I was not present to censor what was being publically posted on my wall gave me the most anxiety.

This began at the end of the second week, when my sister informed me that her boyfriend had asked her "what is with all the pictures of Lauren at that party on Facebook?" Cue panic. I must admit I almost broke the ban right then and there. I sent my sister to scout out for me. Was there anything incriminating? Did I look unattractive in any of the photos? How many were there? I guess you could call this "cheating" a little. I maintain that it is the only time I sent someone to scout out Facebook.

This is the most depressing thing that I have learned these past 4 weeks. Facebook is a person's expertly designed window into their life that they show their friends. It is a way for people to create that side of themselves they've always wanted to portray, cut out the bad, and feed it to the masses. I am one of those people (you are too probably).

Another sad thing I have realized is that I am excited to go back. I had a friend point out a cute friend of hers, and afterwards told me to Facebook-stalk him. I admit that if this ban was not in place, I would be ALL OVER THAT. Have I learned nothing? possibly.

The final symptom I've noticed is the fear. I am scared to go back onto Facebook. I am scared of what I will let happen to my emotional and psychological well-being. I am also sad that the thought of "never going back" never crossed my mind. I was always going back, I was merely taking a hiatus.

I have made a pact with myself after doing this ban however. I promise to incorporate moderation into my Facebook use, go on hiatuses once in awhile, and to be kind to myself. By kind I mean: no more ex stalking/ex's new girlfriend stalking. It just fuels negativity.

I was mildly unsuccessful in my goal to meet people face to face. I definitely went out a lot more, spent time with new people, and made new connections. However, my twitter is out of control! I seemed to merely replace my Facebook addiction with other social networking drugs.

That being said, I was successful. I stayed off Facebook for 4 weeks, which is something I honestly did not think I could do. At least the competitive side of my personality is stronger than the addictive side.

So, what do you think? Can you go on hiatus too? I suggest you do, just to put your usage in perspective. Feeling the feelings I felt about leaving a website, will scare you.

Facebook Ban - The Boss: To Add or Not to Add

This right here ladies and gentlemen, is a tricky one. No matter where you work, be it a casual bar or a high-powered corporate office, this is an issue. In an ideal world your boss won't have a Facebook profile, and if they do, won't attempt to add you.

This, however, is not an ideal world, and more likely than not you will get that friend request. So when you click on the friend request notification and see your boss' shining face peering at you from the screen what do you do? DILEMMA!

You feel obligated to accept the friend request because they are your boss, but do you really want to allow them access to your entire profile?

This has happened to me with a few bosses. I work in an industry where the relationship between boss and employee is usually quite casual. But no level of "casual" is casual enough to allow my male bosses access to my bikini shots from my Mexico vacation. This may be a different case if you have a boss that is the same gender as you, but either way it's not very appropriate. You do NOT want your boss seeing those photos your friend posted of you funnelling beers at that party last weekend or any other similar activities.

The other problem with having the boss on your Facebook is when you call in "sick" . We have all done it, either faked the call or are actually sick on a monday but felt fine enough to go out saturday night. When the photos, comments, or any other general evidence pops up on your Facebook that you were out when you should have been in bed you have an issue.

It makes me uneasy to have my boss comment on things on my profile. Just knowing that they can see what I do when I am not at work makes me nervous.

Another important point is that businesses are now "facebook searching" potential hires for jobs. So if you apply for a job, and your facebook profile is completely public with a photo of you doing a keg stand... good luck.

My advice: If the boss adds you, do NOT accept. If your profile is public, MAKE IT PRIVATE. If you are questioned as to why you did not accept said request, a simple explanation of how you "like to keep your work life and personal life separate" will suffice. If it does not, you're working for a 14 yearold.

Facebook Ban - Stalker Syndrome

Thus far, this blog has had a pervading theme throughout: the Facebook "stalker". I will stand (sit) here and admit that I am one of these people. I bet you $5.00 that you are too.

As human beings it is (or at least it feels) absolutely impossible to not do this. With all that information about a person just a click of a button away, how can you NOT check to see if your ex's newest fling is as attractive as you, or see if that babe from class has a significant other?

It's human nature to compare ourselves to others. It's a form of learning, and can speed up one's adaptation to ensure a quality mate or social group. With the invention of Facebook, came the ability to compare oneself to many people all at once, and in secret.

Facebook stalking like this also answers alot of questions too awkward to ask, especially about potential significant others. How embarassing is it to ask out that cute co worker, only to find out they've been in a 4 year relationship with the love of their lives? Online stalking prevents this from happening (see previous relationship status post). Facebook will either post their relationship status, or you can check their photos out. If they are cozied up in more photos than not with the same person, chances are you're outta luck there champ. You can move on shamelessly. No harm, no foul.

The crazier people out there will take this to a bit of an extreme. You can find out almost anything about a person from Facebook. Their favorite movies, books, hobbies, everything down to where they're going to be that night. With a little Facebook sleuthing you can have a person pegged, before even getting to meet them. Even if the "stalkee" has not posted much about themselves on their profile, Facebook lets you see entire comment threads between the "stalkee" and their friends. From analyzing whatever "hot topic" they are discussing via facebook wall posts, you can learn alot and use this to your advantage. This method is perfect for the socially inept among us. I personally do not go this deep into the abyss that is the Facebook stalker syndrome, but that's because I have no problem talking to people in real life.

That being said, I do admit to stalking ex boyfriends, their new girlfriends, current boyfriend's ex girlfriends, their new boyfriends, and babes. tons and tons of babes. Stop judging me, you all do it too.

Facebook Ban - The Relationship Status

The relationship status change may be the single most important decision one makes regarding their Facebook profile.

Facebook allows you to post your relationship status on your profile. You have the option to say you are "single", "in a relationship," "in an open relationship", or "it's complicated." Facebook also allows you to say who exactly you are in this relationship with, by linking to your partner's profile. It notifies everyone on your friend's list whenever this status changes, even when you completely remove it.

THAT, my friends, is the why changing one's facebook relationship status is such a big deal.

Many feel that to change the status makes the relationship "official", even if it's already been official for several months and all your friends already know. By changing your status you let everyone (ie: all your ex's) know that you've found someone else, and this has the potential to create drama.

Facebook takes a topic that is generally, nobody's business, and makes it huge news. This can be a positive thing; especially as a tool to ward off creepers or to avoid random messages from local singles. However, the onslaught of comments, messages, and real life "gossip" that this one click of a mouse can cause is frightening.

The more dramatic part of the relationship status change is what happens when you break up. As Neil Sedaka says: "breaking up is hard to do", you don't need to accentuate that by immediately letting everyone on your Facebook know. The deletion or changing of a Facebook status to "single" is a big source of fodder for gossip. People feel the need to comment on this life change, which is just inappropriate.

There is also the issue after the break-up of who changes their status first, and what they change it to. If you change it to "single", and you are the first to do it, it sends a message to your former partner and is pretty harsh. There is a protocol behind the time you wait between break-up and status change. This is dependent on the relationship dynamic between the two people, and how messy the break up was.

My word of advice: DO NOT change your status to in a relationship with a specific person. If it ends, it just makes everything even more awkward. I would not post anything, and leave your relationship status blank. If you are single, and using Facebook to meet people, having a blank relationship status posted on your profile is not a deterrent. The people who write you off just because your status is blank, probably aren't worth your time anyway.

Facebook Ban - Facebook Etiquette

Facebook etiquette. It exists whether you would like to believe that or not. I use the term "etiquette" loosely in this post, it's really to encompass all the little idiosyncrasies (or idiosynCRAZIES) that Facebook has brought about. I have tried to put these in a logical order for you, but there is nothing logical about this behaviour:

The Random Friend Request:

Dudes tend to be guilty of this one a lot. See a pretty girl who's a friend of a friend of someone's cousin on your list? ADD HER! If you're lucky, you might start an online dialogue with this stranger. It gets confusing when one receives a random friend request from a straight member of the same-sex. This usually occurs when one has strict privacy settings, and the random requester just wants to creep on their photos.

I was a creeper of stranger's photos, but I drew the line at the random friend request, and I never accepted them. My facebook had the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon rule. If I don't know you, or know someone who knows you, there is no way you're getting access. It also depended on how close I was with said mutual friend. As we do live in Winnipeg, everyone tends to know someone who knows someone. A word of advice: if you want to get to know a stranger on Facebook, send them a message first. Start the dialogue before the creepy random friend request. This advice leads us to our next Facebook phenomenon:

Adding People and Never Speaking to Them:

I never understood why people do this. After much thought I believe that the reason someone adds you and does not send you at least one form of Facebook correspondence, is that they want to creep your photos. So far there seems to be a common thread between these weird behaviours. This one really irritates me, especially when it is someone that you do not see on a regular basis in real life. Send a wall post! It will not kill you! Write something trivial and generic! It will boost your Facebook-Friend Stock exponentially, and prevent the following behaviour to happen:

The Friend Deletion:

If you have made it past the first behaviour and get accepted as a Facebook friend, but then commit the second crime you may be deleted (you will be if you're on my friend list). The oddest part about deleting someone from Facebook is how upset people get. It cuts deep for a lot of Facebook addicts. How could you delete me! I added you and never interacted with you on it, but think you look great in your Mexico vacation photos! I go through friend purges quite regularly. If I have to take a second to recognize your name, you're gone.

Jimmy Kimmel, a man after my own heart, has declared that November 17 will hence forth be known as National Unfriend Day. This is a day dedicated to trimming the friend fat, and keeping true friendship sacred. Amen to that! So if you find that you have been the victim of a deletion, don't get upset or take it personally. You probably were not very close to that person anyways; that, or your status updates were awful and annoying.

Ignoring Facebook Friends in Real Life:

This is quite a prevalent Facebook phenomenon in Winnipeg. As a server, this happens to me quite a lot. Someone I recognize from Facebook comes into the restaurant, and we pretend we do not know each other. I have yet to discover a non-awkward way to bridge this gap. You know everything about each other from creeping their profiles and interactions with your friends, yet have never been introduced in real life. To say: "Hey, I know you from Facebook" seems a little pathetic, even if it is true.

I was at a wedding this summer and a friend's boyfriend, whom I know quite a bit about from stalking her profile and from her, jumped the gap like it was nothing. We had never met before this, but before an official introduction had been made, he busted out a casual "Hey Lauren". I was strangely shocked. Obviously he would have heard of me from his girlfriend, but his ease at bridging the digital-analog gap was unsettling at first. Kudos to his courage though, most of us are too socially awkward to do that.

The Facebook "Happy Birthday":

This behaviour is slightly unrelated to the rest, but may be the one that will drive me to insanity. The Facebook "Happy Birthday". On Facebook you have the option of listing your birth date. When this date approaches, Facebook kindly lets everyone on your friend list know. One person posts "happy birthday" and then, like a disease, it spreads. There is an onslaught of wall posts ranging from "Happy birthday!" to "HBD!" (which is merely someone trying to creatively say exactly what all the 100 other posts said). You get "Happy Birthdays" from friends, friends of friends, people you haven't seen in 15 years, your boss, people you hate but just have on your friend list so you can stare at them and hate them... Everyone.

A step up from the wall post "HBD" would be the private message. It has a nice touch, and feels a little more personal. A step up from that would be the text message, and then from there the phone call. The phone call is the rarest of them all. The wall post Happy Birthday is the lowest, most impersonal way someone can wish you happiness on your birthday. I would rather not have the pollution on my wall that one day out of a year.

All of these behaviours are quite common in day to day Facebook usage. They are ridiculous and a little crazy. I personally am trying to stop myself from doing these things, and I hope you will work on it too.

Withdrawal Symptoms: Week 1

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I have been Facebook free for 34 1/2 hours. Can you believe it? I would hesitate to say that this is the longest I've spent "off the grid"; however, all the other times I've been in another country, and have still managed to check it on a hotel computer with a backwards keyboard.

Immediately after the "great log-off of 2010" as it will henceforth be known, the withdrawal symptoms kicked in. My palms began to tingle, my fingers tensed, and my mind raced with all the poignant and witty status updates or wall posts I could be making. My fingers, on autopilot, would open my phone and search for the app where the app used to be. They would open my browser and search for where the bookmark used to be. Having prepared for this autopilot effect, I deleted these shortcuts to my fix, as well as blocked the email notifications. The nighttime has proven to be the hardest, as it is the time when loneliness rears its head and distraction is most invited. I will persevere.

On this first night I had a stress dream. During this dream I came to school the next day, opened my laptop for class, and SOMEHOW Facebook had attached itself to my desktop! I couldn't get rid of it or resist its siren call. The little red notification blared at me, indicating several possible comments from friends on various aspects of my profile. The curiosity ate at me, I had to look! I clicked the link, and all was lost. Failure in the first 24 hours. I woke the next morning, tired from a restless sleep, and piecing together my reality. Was it real? Had Facebook defeated me in my dreams as Freddy Krueger had brutally murdered a young Johnny Depp? No, I was safe. For now...

The morning after, the first of many (31 to be exact), I did what the majority of addicts do: I compensated, and I replaced. I tweeted. Like a heroine addict using methadone to wean herself clean, I tweeted. I tweeted, and refreshed Twitter, and tweeted again. The problem with Twitter, is that it is not as popular with the "mean girls from high school who have gained substantial weight since" segment of the population or the "ex-boyfriends" segment. Well, at least not with mine. It's a healthier, less addictive alternative, and far less exciting, but it got me through the first 24 hours.

Today is day two and I feel better. I have received several "good luck!"'s and "I couldn't do it!"'s from peers. Comforting, but a little sad when you think of what it really means. This is no joke; our generation is becoming slave to the mighty Facebook. I hope by stepping back, I can help others to as well.

Let the game begin...

Facebook Ban - The Beginning of the End

Facebook. The social networking site we've all come to know and love. The place where one can view friends' photos, comment on their walls, and brag about their vacations all from the safety of their own home. The average U.S. user spends 7 hours a month on Facebook, which is more than 14 minutes a day. I still think this statistic is a little low.

Personally, I spend more than a few hours on Facebook a day. This is due to the fact that I am taking a laptop heavy course, and have the attention span of a goldfish. However, I have barely a shred of an excuse for my use of it after school hours. I talk to long-distance friends on the chat, and I internet stalk people: ex-boyfriends, their girlfriends, people I hate from high school, and babes. I know I'm not the only one who does this.

My undergraduate thesis for my honors degree in Psychology was on modern addictions, one of which was "internet addiction." It's funny to know so much about it, yet still have fallen victim. Facebook is a drug, and I am an addict. The first step is acknowledging that you have a problem.

Now that I have done that, here is the challenge: I have challenged myself to stay logged off of Facebook for 4 weeks. During these 4 weeks I will post once a week (at least) on my withdrawal symptoms, as well as how various aspects of Facebook have changed our interactions with people and our lives. These will include:

- Facebook etiquette

- The weight attributed to "relationship status changes"

- "Facebook Stalker Syndrome"

- The Boss - to add or not to add?

The Facebook ban begins November 15, 2010 and is lifted December 16 2010. The fact that I didn't think I could do this challenge is the main impetus behind this. The possibility of failure is unfortunately a reality, and it will be a sad (re: pathetic) day if I do. Zuckerberg will have claimed my soul. However, failure or not, my goal for this challenge is to relearn how to connect with people on an organic level, without the screen. Wish me luck?