Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The End - Final Withdrawal Symptoms



I am aware at how depressing it is that I still am having "symptoms" in my final week of the ban (which is lifted tomorrow at midnight). I have had the same symptoms for the past 2 weeks, but was hoping they would subside without me having to actually admit to them online.

As you'll remember in the beginning, my symptoms were mostly of a physical nature. The autopilot kicking in to check my page for notifications, my fingers itching to update it...

Now I suffer from a more psychological problem. When the ban started, I did not delete my profile, I merely stopped logging in. Although my profile is only available for friends to see, it was still left open for them to run rampant on it. The fact that I was not present to censor what was being publically posted on my wall gave me the most anxiety.

This began at the end of the second week, when my sister informed me that her boyfriend had asked her "what is with all the pictures of Lauren at that party on Facebook?" Cue panic. I must admit I almost broke the ban right then and there. I sent my sister to scout out for me. Was there anything incriminating? Did I look unattractive in any of the photos? How many were there? I guess you could call this "cheating" a little. I maintain that it is the only time I sent someone to scout out Facebook.

This is the most depressing thing that I have learned these past 4 weeks. Facebook is a person's expertly designed window into their life that they show their friends. It is a way for people to create that side of themselves they've always wanted to portray, cut out the bad, and feed it to the masses. I am one of those people (you are too probably).

Another sad thing I have realized is that I am excited to go back. I had a friend point out a cute friend of hers, and afterwards told me to Facebook-stalk him. I admit that if this ban was not in place, I would be ALL OVER THAT. Have I learned nothing? possibly.

The final symptom I've noticed is the fear. I am scared to go back onto Facebook. I am scared of what I will let happen to my emotional and psychological well-being. I am also sad that the thought of "never going back" never crossed my mind. I was always going back, I was merely taking a hiatus.

I have made a pact with myself after doing this ban however. I promise to incorporate moderation into my Facebook use, go on hiatuses once in awhile, and to be kind to myself. By kind I mean: no more ex stalking/ex's new girlfriend stalking. It just fuels negativity.

I was mildly unsuccessful in my goal to meet people face to face. I definitely went out a lot more, spent time with new people, and made new connections. However, my twitter is out of control! I seemed to merely replace my Facebook addiction with other social networking drugs.

That being said, I was successful. I stayed off Facebook for 4 weeks, which is something I honestly did not think I could do. At least the competitive side of my personality is stronger than the addictive side.

So, what do you think? Can you go on hiatus too? I suggest you do, just to put your usage in perspective. Feeling the feelings I felt about leaving a website, will scare you.

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