Facebook Ban - Facebook Terrorism

Facebook terrorism has become a pandemic in our society in the past few years. You may think that the use of the word “terrorism” is a bit strong, but this cyber-bullying is leading to a spike in teen suicide all over the world. Facebook Terrorism is more intense and blatant than warfare.

Facebook Terrorism is the public bullying of a person through the use of their facebook wall, newsfeed, and other aspects of the social networking website. There have been so many sickening examples of this in the past year that it has become apparent that some controls need to be put in place; even if that means a higher level of profile monitoring regardless of the privacy issues involved.

The most recent story I had read made me feel sick to my stomach. A 16 year old girl was drugged and gang raped at a rave in Pitt Meadows, B.C. As a result of the date rape drug, she did not remember the event until she found the photos and video of the rape on Facebook several days later. The photos were removed by the RCMP, but have resurfaced elsewhere on the internet. "This victim is having to relive it on a daily basis, because we get the photos taken off, and then all of a sudden they're redistributed and others are viewing it," RCMP Insp. Derren Lench says. If that’s not terrorism, I don’t know what is.

15 year old Holly Grogan jumped 30ft to her death after enduring bullying and abuse posted on her Facebook page. Her friend admitted that a group of girls would gang up on her and post a series of abusive messages on her Facebook wall. A 14 year old boy committed suicide after fellow students made comments about his sexual orientation on Facebook.

Facebook has morphed from a tool one can use to connect with people all over the world and a great promotional tool, to a weapon. This is a larger problem within the teen demographic, but it does exist outside of that.

A close friend of mine was killed by a drunk driver as she was working as a tow truck driver here in Winnipeg. Quickly after her death, family and friends created a memorial page for her on Facebook so people can share memories and grieve together. The driver of the other car was a young man in his 20’s and was in the hospital after the crash. His friends felt the need to go on this memorial page and write hateful comments about our friend who had died, in a way of defending him. Commenting on her sexual orientation, promiscuity, etc. etc. etc. This was a form of Facebook terrorism targeted at a large group of people, and imagining her parents and sister reading the abusive comments these strangers were writing is maddening.

Facebook terrorism ruins lives and is never acceptable. This is a pandemic that should not be taken lightly or without action to stop it.

Some more resources:

http://Cyberbulling.us

Cyber-Bulling statistics

Facebook Ban - Facebook Warfare

Facebook is an amazing tool. It can be used to reconnect with people, promote events, stalk people, and so much more. It can also be used as an effective weapon in the Passive Aggressive War so many people engage in. I briefly touched on some of this behaviour here, but this post will let us delve into the tactical genius of Facebook as a social weapon.

To be clear, I am not talking about full on battle royale's via wall posts or photo comments. Having a "screaming match" via Facebook is just embarrassing. I'm talking about the intricate dance of internet passive aggressiveness. an integral post on a third party's wall, a strategic photo tag, all these things are tactics in this online war.

What are the reasons one would be warring via Facebook you ask? Break-ups, friend fights, anything to do with the opposite sex etc. etc. etc. Any reason why you would be warring in real life would be a reason for it to trickle onto Facebook. You've probably done it and not even realized. Ever notice how many times you visit the profile of a person you're fighting with? Well, that's considered "gathering intel" my friends.

Even if you tell yourself that you are not conducting any of this behaviour, you know the correspondence between you and certain groups of people will show up on their newsfeed. You know that even if you are no longer Facebook friends, tagging a friend of theirs in your photos from that "great party you didn't invite them to" will pop up in their newsfeed...

Ah, the newsfeed. This is your medium. The Facebook Newsfeed sends you information on your friends, and lets you know of the activity happening on their profile. Your crafty posts with third party profiles connected to your victim will inevitably show up on their news feed.

Here's an admittance I have of warfare I engaged in. It was about 3 years ago, and I maintain this is not my normal behaviour. I had just begun dating someone, and their ex girlfriend had gone a little mental about that. She had approached me multiple times on the fact. So instead of retaliating publicly, or dramatically, I merely posted my "favourite" song on my new boyfriend's wall. I didn't hear from her again.

I do not condone the use of Facebook as a weapon in the Passive Aggressive War. It is childish, but people do it because it provides the perfect avenue for it. In my next post I will be talking about what happens when this war is taken too far...

Facebook Ban - The Descent

It's been almost a month since I've been back on Facebook, and I am still alive. I learned a few things during my hiatus, but the biggest changes came when I rejoined the herd.

I was hesitant to log back on initially. When the date and time came that the ban was lifted I was nervous about what would happen. I had been functioning happily without, but was curious about what was going on online without my constant presence and censorship. My fingers hovered over the keyboard, scared to type in my password. Then I stepped off the cliff.

The first thing I noticed was a complete layout change. Facebook allows you to sample their new layouts before fully committing. I didn't change over right away because I had bigger fish to fry, and needed a slow integration back into the matrix. I had almost 19 notifications, almost 30 messages, and 12 friend requests. How that happened in only 4 weeks is scary and surprising. It's not like I had been a hermit during my hiatus; I was out on the town more than ever reconnecting with old friends, sharing beers and cigarettes and dance moves.

Quite a few of the messages were from events so they don't really count. Almost all of the friend requests were from random men. Clearly they saw my most recent relationship status change, and hadn't read this post. I found the sheer amount of notifications I had to sift through overwhelming. I almost wanted to log back off and never go back. I had sort of enjoyed the peace and quiet. The simplicity of Twitter appealed more to me than the rabbit-hole that is Facebook. With Twitter there are no twists and turns that can lead you straight into stalking someone for hours. What you see is what you get, and I liked that.

After cleaning up my account from all the notifications, I decided I was ready for the layout change. Might as well make the choice before Facebook made it official. The whole switch over was overwhelming as well. The first week back on the drug I had no desire to check my profile. It didn't have the same hold over me as before. Maybe I had learned something from my hiatus?

Unfortunately that is wishful thinking. Classes started again and my lack of attention span led me to hover on my Facebook profile, searching for any form of distraction.

So the blog is back. No, I am not going back on another Facebook hiatus; however, I will continue with my social analysis of my generation's favourite pass-time. The following posts will include:

- Facebook Warfare

- Facebook Terrorism

- Pro Facebook

- Myspace to Facebook: The Renegades

If there is time, I will attempt a review on The Social Network, a movie about Facebook, and a commentary on how Mark Zuckerberg was given the title of Person of the Year by the New York Times for 2010. Up to this point I had refused to see The Social Network, as the idea of watching a biopic about Facebook made me uncomfortable; however, in the name of research I will watch it. The blog is back, so feel free to suggest other topics in the comments. I want to delve as far as I can into the social enigma that is Facebook addiction.

The End - Final Withdrawal Symptoms

I am aware at how depressing it is that I still am having "symptoms" in my final week of the ban (which is lifted tomorrow at midnight). I have had the same symptoms for the past 2 weeks, but was hoping they would subside without me having to actually admit to them online.

As you'll remember in the beginning, my symptoms were mostly of a physical nature. The autopilot kicking in to check my page for notifications, my fingers itching to update it...

Now I suffer from a more psychological problem. When the ban started, I did not delete my profile, I merely stopped logging in. Although my profile is only available for friends to see, it was still left open for them to run rampant on it. The fact that I was not present to censor what was being publically posted on my wall gave me the most anxiety.

This began at the end of the second week, when my sister informed me that her boyfriend had asked her "what is with all the pictures of Lauren at that party on Facebook?" Cue panic. I must admit I almost broke the ban right then and there. I sent my sister to scout out for me. Was there anything incriminating? Did I look unattractive in any of the photos? How many were there? I guess you could call this "cheating" a little. I maintain that it is the only time I sent someone to scout out Facebook.

This is the most depressing thing that I have learned these past 4 weeks. Facebook is a person's expertly designed window into their life that they show their friends. It is a way for people to create that side of themselves they've always wanted to portray, cut out the bad, and feed it to the masses. I am one of those people (you are too probably).

Another sad thing I have realized is that I am excited to go back. I had a friend point out a cute friend of hers, and afterwards told me to Facebook-stalk him. I admit that if this ban was not in place, I would be ALL OVER THAT. Have I learned nothing? possibly.

The final symptom I've noticed is the fear. I am scared to go back onto Facebook. I am scared of what I will let happen to my emotional and psychological well-being. I am also sad that the thought of "never going back" never crossed my mind. I was always going back, I was merely taking a hiatus.

I have made a pact with myself after doing this ban however. I promise to incorporate moderation into my Facebook use, go on hiatuses once in awhile, and to be kind to myself. By kind I mean: no more ex stalking/ex's new girlfriend stalking. It just fuels negativity.

I was mildly unsuccessful in my goal to meet people face to face. I definitely went out a lot more, spent time with new people, and made new connections. However, my twitter is out of control! I seemed to merely replace my Facebook addiction with other social networking drugs.

That being said, I was successful. I stayed off Facebook for 4 weeks, which is something I honestly did not think I could do. At least the competitive side of my personality is stronger than the addictive side.

So, what do you think? Can you go on hiatus too? I suggest you do, just to put your usage in perspective. Feeling the feelings I felt about leaving a website, will scare you.

Facebook Ban - The Boss: To Add or Not to Add

This right here ladies and gentlemen, is a tricky one. No matter where you work, be it a casual bar or a high-powered corporate office, this is an issue. In an ideal world your boss won't have a Facebook profile, and if they do, won't attempt to add you.

This, however, is not an ideal world, and more likely than not you will get that friend request. So when you click on the friend request notification and see your boss' shining face peering at you from the screen what do you do? DILEMMA!

You feel obligated to accept the friend request because they are your boss, but do you really want to allow them access to your entire profile?

This has happened to me with a few bosses. I work in an industry where the relationship between boss and employee is usually quite casual. But no level of "casual" is casual enough to allow my male bosses access to my bikini shots from my Mexico vacation. This may be a different case if you have a boss that is the same gender as you, but either way it's not very appropriate. You do NOT want your boss seeing those photos your friend posted of you funnelling beers at that party last weekend or any other similar activities.

The other problem with having the boss on your Facebook is when you call in "sick" . We have all done it, either faked the call or are actually sick on a monday but felt fine enough to go out saturday night. When the photos, comments, or any other general evidence pops up on your Facebook that you were out when you should have been in bed you have an issue.

It makes me uneasy to have my boss comment on things on my profile. Just knowing that they can see what I do when I am not at work makes me nervous.

Another important point is that businesses are now "facebook searching" potential hires for jobs. So if you apply for a job, and your facebook profile is completely public with a photo of you doing a keg stand... good luck.

My advice: If the boss adds you, do NOT accept. If your profile is public, MAKE IT PRIVATE. If you are questioned as to why you did not accept said request, a simple explanation of how you "like to keep your work life and personal life separate" will suffice. If it does not, you're working for a 14 yearold.

Facebook Ban - Stalker Syndrome

Thus far, this blog has had a pervading theme throughout: the Facebook "stalker". I will stand (sit) here and admit that I am one of these people. I bet you $5.00 that you are too.

As human beings it is (or at least it feels) absolutely impossible to not do this. With all that information about a person just a click of a button away, how can you NOT check to see if your ex's newest fling is as attractive as you, or see if that babe from class has a significant other?

It's human nature to compare ourselves to others. It's a form of learning, and can speed up one's adaptation to ensure a quality mate or social group. With the invention of Facebook, came the ability to compare oneself to many people all at once, and in secret.

Facebook stalking like this also answers alot of questions too awkward to ask, especially about potential significant others. How embarassing is it to ask out that cute co worker, only to find out they've been in a 4 year relationship with the love of their lives? Online stalking prevents this from happening (see previous relationship status post). Facebook will either post their relationship status, or you can check their photos out. If they are cozied up in more photos than not with the same person, chances are you're outta luck there champ. You can move on shamelessly. No harm, no foul.

The crazier people out there will take this to a bit of an extreme. You can find out almost anything about a person from Facebook. Their favorite movies, books, hobbies, everything down to where they're going to be that night. With a little Facebook sleuthing you can have a person pegged, before even getting to meet them. Even if the "stalkee" has not posted much about themselves on their profile, Facebook lets you see entire comment threads between the "stalkee" and their friends. From analyzing whatever "hot topic" they are discussing via facebook wall posts, you can learn alot and use this to your advantage. This method is perfect for the socially inept among us. I personally do not go this deep into the abyss that is the Facebook stalker syndrome, but that's because I have no problem talking to people in real life.

That being said, I do admit to stalking ex boyfriends, their new girlfriends, current boyfriend's ex girlfriends, their new boyfriends, and babes. tons and tons of babes. Stop judging me, you all do it too.

Facebook Ban - The Relationship Status

The relationship status change may be the single most important decision one makes regarding their Facebook profile.

Facebook allows you to post your relationship status on your profile. You have the option to say you are "single", "in a relationship," "in an open relationship", or "it's complicated." Facebook also allows you to say who exactly you are in this relationship with, by linking to your partner's profile. It notifies everyone on your friend's list whenever this status changes, even when you completely remove it.

THAT, my friends, is the why changing one's facebook relationship status is such a big deal.

Many feel that to change the status makes the relationship "official", even if it's already been official for several months and all your friends already know. By changing your status you let everyone (ie: all your ex's) know that you've found someone else, and this has the potential to create drama.

Facebook takes a topic that is generally, nobody's business, and makes it huge news. This can be a positive thing; especially as a tool to ward off creepers or to avoid random messages from local singles. However, the onslaught of comments, messages, and real life "gossip" that this one click of a mouse can cause is frightening.

The more dramatic part of the relationship status change is what happens when you break up. As Neil Sedaka says: "breaking up is hard to do", you don't need to accentuate that by immediately letting everyone on your Facebook know. The deletion or changing of a Facebook status to "single" is a big source of fodder for gossip. People feel the need to comment on this life change, which is just inappropriate.

There is also the issue after the break-up of who changes their status first, and what they change it to. If you change it to "single", and you are the first to do it, it sends a message to your former partner and is pretty harsh. There is a protocol behind the time you wait between break-up and status change. This is dependent on the relationship dynamic between the two people, and how messy the break up was.

My word of advice: DO NOT change your status to in a relationship with a specific person. If it ends, it just makes everything even more awkward. I would not post anything, and leave your relationship status blank. If you are single, and using Facebook to meet people, having a blank relationship status posted on your profile is not a deterrent. The people who write you off just because your status is blank, probably aren't worth your time anyway.